Watch Videos: Attorney Dana Lowy

Meet Dana Lowy

I was previously a public defender, so I segued into family law when a colleague of mine from law school said she was leaving her job and thought it would be a perfect opportunity for me. That was now 30 years ago.

I fell into family law and loved it for similar reasons as I loved criminal law. You’re dealing with individuals. It’s always interesting. Everybody has a different story, and it was just a great fit for me. So I’ve always loved family law. I love hearing about people and their stories.

I will always tell my clients that it is a process. They have to be patient, open-minded, and flexible, and that we’re going to work together as a team and get through it.

Most clients don’t always believe me at the beginning, but I tell them they will be happier at the end because people deserve to be happy.

When might someone choose legal separation instead of divorce?

In my experience, the only three times I’ve really seen people go through a legal separation rather than a divorce—since it is all the same work—are: either they have very strong religious convictions; there are medical issues, so they want to maintain health insurance; or, most commonly, the emotional piece. They feel like it is a softer, gentler way to do things.

In reality, it’s better to just rip off the band-aid, because if you then have to go through the process of terminating your marital status, it’s more expensive, time-consuming, and it just keeps the process going.

What mistakes do people make when it comes to premarital agreements?

I think the number one mistake is when people wait too long. You want to do it far enough in advance of the marriage that it’s not impacting invitations going out or wedding dress fittings. It becomes very stressful to be doing a prenuptial agreement—which is, in essence, divorce planning—right before your wedding.

The second mistake is people often have unrealistic expectations. I hear all the time, “He and I have discussed it, she and I have discussed it, we’re in agreement on everything,” when they’re not family law attorneys.

Each party’s independent family law attorney is going to explain the law, what rights they’re giving up, and what they’re getting in exchange. It often creates dissension because it’s not consistent with what the parties thought they agreed to. People then accuse each other of being unfair, and it creates unnecessary trust issues.

What are the pros and cons of choosing mediation in a divorce?

With respect to mediation, there are different types. If parties are looking to mediate directly with a mediator without attorneys, which they ask me about all the time, the pros are that people have to agree to participate and presumably will be reasonable, provide honest financial information, and it can be less expensive.

The cons are that it can go on much longer because there are no time pressures, and the disadvantaged spouse may not have all the information. Sometimes mediation also breaks down.

I think the best form of mediation is when both parties are represented by counsel and they work with a mediator. That way, they are fairly represented, but the mediator—unlike a lawyer—is there to help the parties reach their own agreement rather than advocate for either side.

It can be a very interesting and challenging process.

How is legal separation different from divorce?

Legal separation has become somewhat of a misnomer. The actual legal definition of a legal separation is that you go through the entire process of a divorce—you divide property, address support issues, child custody, and child support—and the only difference is that you remain married.

So it’s a lot of work. And at the end of the day, you are still legally married.