When you married “for better or worse,” you meant it. However, you did not anticipate the emotional, physical and financial challenges that might come when your spouse developed a mental illness.
You’ve finally reached the point where you feel like you can’t take the stress of the situation any longer – but you’re struggling with the idea that it’s morally wrong to divorce your spouse because of their psychiatric issues. Is it?
There’s no straightforward answer, but there are things to consider
You also made promises to stand by your spouse in both “sickness and in health.” That commitment can weigh heavily on your mind and make you feel guilty as you contemplate divorce.
Here are some questions you have to ask yourself:
- Is your spouse’s behavior abusive? Mental illness can cause some people to act out in ways that are physically, financially and emotionally abusive. At some point, you have to prioritize your safety over your spouse’s need for compassion and understanding.
- Has your spouse refused treatment? If your spouse refuses to accept that they have mental health issues or is erratic about their willingness to participate in treatment plans (such as medication, therapy or inpatient care), the situation isn’t going to get better.
- Are there children involved? Your spouse’s behavior due to their mental health problems can end up leaving your children with lasting trauma. You have an obligation to remove them from the situation as much as possible.
- Are you burnt out? Ultimately, it’s important to recognize that your compassion for your spouse’s mental health struggles should not come at the expense of your own mental or physical health. You have a moral responsibility to yourself, as well.
Divorce is always a deeply personal decision, and choosing to leave doesn’t automatically equate to abandoning someone in need. Instead, you may need to reframe your thinking so that you recognize that you’re trying to preserve your own well-being. Legal guidance can help you learn more.